new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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