Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
