Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
