if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
