dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
