my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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