she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
