Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
