i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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