Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize