i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
