Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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