I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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