fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
