I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize