We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
