im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
