Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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