I'm pants shitting drunk right now
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
