We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize