i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
