do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
