If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
