evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
