i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
