your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize