her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
