I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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