DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
