just tell him i said nine months
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
