I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
