I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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