I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
