An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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