So drunk its hurt
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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