WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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