she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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