I showed him my bush... on skype.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
