If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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