last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
