I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
