Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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