If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
