ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
