I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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