I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
