I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
