life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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