i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My Sexting was not on an AP level
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
