I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
NoShamevember. You game?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
