is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize