70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
