Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
