In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
