so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
