I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
