I wanna bring you to show and tell
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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