Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
