Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
