What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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