Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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