three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
