omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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