We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize