I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
