Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize