so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
