Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
