so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
