I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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