She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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