Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
